


Be The One

by Semi_problematic



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Awkward Crush, Carl doesnt know what to do, First Crush, M/M, Pining, Sexual Tension, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension, all he knows is that he wants negan more than air
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 13:37:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14058108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semi_problematic/pseuds/Semi_problematic
Summary: Carl nodded, looking back down at his bat. "If you're going to punish anyone, punish me. No one even knows I snuck into your tucks. They just think I'm outside the walls, scavenging-""Don't worry, bad boy. Your secrets safe with me." Negan hooked his pinky with Carls, squeezing it tight. "Your daddy won't find out that you snuck out and visited me... but if he did find out, I'm sure he'd be mad. Cops son, sneaking out and visiting a psychopathic killer? He would be very mad. Wouldn't he?"Carl scoffed. "I came to kill you. To blow your brains out along with every single other person who got in my way. I didn't come to suck your dick and tell you that you're the bravest man I know. You're nothing but a coward who thrives on being control and beating people down so all they do is fear you." He turned and looked at Negan. "No one admires you. They hate you. They fear you. They are disgusted by you."





	Be The One

**Author's Note:**

> Carl is 18/19 like always

Negan was dangerous, unpredictable, and psychotic. Carl loved it. Negans words cut like knives and caused tears to drip like blood. He embraced his bad side, the dangerous, terrifying side that everyone tells you to hide. Negan wasn't afraid of himself. Negan wasn't afraid of anything, really. Carl admired it. He would never admit it but he was scared of many things. Losing people. Loving people. Dying. Negan would probably laugh if he told him that. Tell him that Carl fearing such trivial and unavoidable things was a disappointment, but Carl couldn't help it. He had lost too many people. 

Carl was even scared of Negan. He believed that when he snuck into the Sanctuary that he wouldn't come back. But he did. And that scared him even more than dying. The trip back to Alexandria was terrifying. What was Negan going to do? Kill more of his friends as punishment? Take what little they have left? Ruin the place just for the hell of it? Negan was unpredictable and it was as hot as it was scary. 

The closer they got to the metal walls the more nervous Carl became. He played with the edges of his hat, bending them each way, keeping his eyes on his lap. "What are you gonna do when we get there?" He asked, glancing back at Negan. 

"Don't ruin the surprise." Negan winked. "I'm gonna have you give me a real nice tour. One without all the ugly crying and yelling. Man. That was so annoying. Are the people in Alexandria always that whiney? "That's not fair! You said only half." Blah blah blah. They're lucky I didn't shoot each and every single one of them." Negan looked down at Lucille, who was settled between his legs. "Or beat." He looked back at Carl. "Sorry... she gets jealous when I bring up other weapons."

Carl nodded, looking back down at his bat. "If you're going to punish anyone, punish me. No one even knows I snuck into your tucks. They just think I'm outside the walls, scavenging-" 

"Don't worry, bad boy. Your secrets safe with me." Negan hooked his pinky with Carls, squeezing it tight. "Your daddy won't find out that you snuck out and visited me... but if he did find out, I'm sure he'd be mad. Cops son, sneaking out and visiting a psychopathic killer? He would be very mad. Wouldn't he?" 

Carl scoffed. "I came to kill you. To blow your brains out along with every single other person who got in my way. I didn't come to suck your dick and tell you that you're the bravest man I know. You're nothing but a coward who thrives on being control and beating people down so all they do is fear you." He turned and looked at Negan. "No one admires you. They hate you. They fear you. They are disgusted by you." 

Negan watched him, expressionless. "Carl..." A smile spread across his lips. It made Carl feel sick. "I'm not live because people love me. I'm alive because what I do works. Fear works." He patted Carls cheek, tucking some of his hair behind his ear. "Now, you may think you can hide your feelings well under that mask of teenage attitude and bitterness, but I know that you fear me. And look..." He gestured around them. "Its working. So... why don't you just shut your mouth before I hit you across the head so hard that your good eye pops out?" 

Negan wasn't wrong, he never was. Carl feared him and the fear never left his mind. But Carl did not fear the way Negan carried his bat around or killed without hesitation. He did not fear the words that escaped Negans lips, the words that fell from his mouth, dripping in venom. Carl simply feared the way Negan made him feel. He felt praised and important and in control with Negan. He feared the way Negan made him feel comfortable and in charge. But most of all, Carl feared the way Negan made him feel loved. 

It was all a lie. The compliments. The pet names. The smiles. The winks. All for show. All meant to get underneath Carls skin so all he wants to do is itch himself until he bleeds. They did get underneath his skin, but in all the wrong ways. He tucked each compliment away in his mind, repeating them over and over until they sounded like a song. The words crawled underneath his skin and made a blush fill his cheeks. 

Carl wanted Negan. He wanted him in every way he could imagine. He wanted Negan on top of him, holding him down as he fucked into him. He wanted Negan bloody and angry. He wanted Negan wrapped around his finger, bending at Carls each and every command. He wanted Negan in bed next to him and killing with him. He wanted him all to himself. Carl Grimes wanted Negan more than air. 

And that... that is what scared him. 

\- 

"Alright, kid.." Negan looked down at Carl, biting his lip. "Take me on the grand tour." He propped Lucille on his shoulder, walking down a hallway that lead to each of the bedrooms. "Roomy, huh?"

"No one sleeps down here." Carl mumbled. He walked up the steps, looking back at Negan. "My dad and Michonne sleep in here..." He didn't bother opening the door or waiting for Negan. He just kept walking. "Are you coming?" He turned around and looked at Negan, who stood in front of the bedroom.

"They a thing?" Negan asked. "Because I thought Rick would be moping around, crying over you shooting your mom in the head. I mean, kid, you killed your daddy wife. And here he is, sleeping with some new girl like that never happened?" Negan shook his head. "Amazing. Maybe you were born a serial killer, considering how insane your dad is."

"Shut up." Carl snapped. "My mom..." He shook his head, walking towards Negan. "Look. I don't care what you say about my eye or about my dad, but I swear to god if you bring my mom up again, acting like me shooting her was some fun little thong to do, I will make sure that I kill you the exact god damned way." He took a step back and turned around, continuing to walk.

"Its like every time we speak you get angrier. Does this place have a therapist? I think you got some anger management issues. I mean, you threatened me." Negan slammed Lucille against the floor, stale blood smearing across the carpeting. "And I'm the big scary guy with an even bigger, scarier bat." 

"Bite me." Carl winced as the words left his lips. Not because he was talking back to Negan, but because the idea of Negan being close enough to do that, to kiss him and bite him and mark Carl as his, drove him while. Carl stopped in front of the door to his bedroom, turning the knob, opening the door. "This is my room." 

Negan stepped inside, standing near the door way, only inches from Carl. Not that Carl was measuring. Or looking. "Wow. A lot less dead animals than I thought. Maybe I was wrong about your serial killer tendencies." Negan looked down at him, jabbing him with his elbow. "Maybe you're just one creepy mother fucker." 

"I could say the same." Carl turned around and walked out, looking down the hallway at the door that lead to Judiths bedroom. "We should go back down. There's nothing else up here." He stuffed his hands in his jean pockets and slowly glanced over his shoulder.

Negan was still standing in the doorway. Large frame blocking out most of his room. "I wanna play darts. Mind waiting on me?" He could hear the tease in Negans voice. "I gotta make sure I'm still as good as I used to be." Negan snapped and moved his first two fingers over his shoulder. "Get in here and hold Lucille while daddy plays."

Carls eye widened at the nickname Negan gave himself and tried desperately to push away any thoughts he had about it. It didn't work. Carl took Lucille from Negan and leaned against the wall, keeping his head down. His hair covered most of his face so Carl could get away with staring. Studying, even. 

The longer Negan played darts the louder the thoughts got. Negan telling him to be good for daddy as he bends him over the kitchen table and fucks him hard. Negan kissing Carls neck, nipping underneath his ear, and asking Carl if he wants his daddy. His real daddy. The redness on Carls cheeks only darkened as he closed his eyes and imaged how rough Negans hands would be on his body. Slamming him around. Fucking him hard. Making Carl cry out for the only person who can make him weak. 

"Kid." Negan snapped his fingers in front of Carl. "I'm bored. What else is there to see?" Negan took Lucille from Carls hands, carrying her so that she drug across the floor, leaving a dark bloody trail behind Negan. "Oh. What's this room? At the end?" 

Carl gasped, rushing out and stepping in front of Negan, putting his hands on his chest. He spread his fingers out across it, biting his lip. He took a moment to memorize the feeling of Negan underneath him. "Nothing. There's nothing in there."

"Carl. You're a shit liar." Negan pushed his hands away, walking in front of the door. "What's the big deal? Your girlfriend hiding in there or something?" Negan looked at Carl. "No. I see the way you look at me. Is your boyfriend in there?" 

"No." Carl replied. "And we aren't going in there. This is... this is so stupid. Why are we even here?"

"Because you gunned down two of my men and I want something for it. Now, I know you didn't just tell me what to do, but in case you did, let's try it again." Negan knocked on the door, smiling. "How about this one?"

"Oh....oh... it's just a water heater." Carl tried to step in front of the door but Negan beat him to it, curling his fingers around the door knob.

Negan looked down at him and scoffed, shaking his head. "Are you serious kid?" He laughed. "Come on." He turned the door knob, walking inside. When his eyes landed on Judith he gasped and smiled. He thrust the bat into Carls chest, walking towards Judith. "Oh my..." 

Carl lifted the bat, wrapping his hands tight around the base. If Negan was going to hurt Judith he was going to die. His hands were shaking as he watched Negan walk towards the crib, smiling from ear to ear. Carl felt sick. He tightened his grip on the bat and aimed. If Negan tried something he couldn't risk hitting Judith, too. 

"Look at this little angel.." Negan picked her up and held her close to his chest, smiling up at her. "Oh..." He chuckled, kissing her head. "Carl... why would you hide such a cutie?" He turned and looked at Carl, biting his lip. "Is this your baby sister?" 

Carl nodded. "Yeah." He whispered. "Her names Judith." He stepped towards them but stopped when Negan stepped back. "Please.."

"I won't hurt her." Negan kissed her cheek, laughing when she giggled. "Wouldn't dream of it. I mean look at her..." He pulled her closer, moving her away from the zippers of his coat. "Wouldn't want you getting cut on those. Oh no we don't." He patted her cheek, grinning. 

Carl watched them, trying to ignore the want. The want to kiss Negan wasn't just rough anymore. The want to be Negans wasn't just to be owned anymore. The want wasn't just tension anymore. It was love now. He leaned against the wall and watched as Negan played with Judith and he even found himself smiling. 

Carl not only wanted Negan, but he loved him. He loved the way he could become so gentle within srconds. He loved the way he smiled and laughed and just existed. And that was scarier than any want or craving he had ever felt before.

"You okay, kid?" Negan asked, playing with one of Judiths hands. "I'm really not gonna hurt her. I don't hurt kids." He leaned down, looking at Carl. "She got your eyes... well..." 

Carl ducked away. His heart was beating fast. "Yeah." He replied, trying his best to sound angry. "I'm fine."


End file.
